Sometimes I just really need to vent....so I figure, right here, right now, why not. I just got a paper I wrote on Frankenstein back from my Lit. teacher. B-. I can't decipher most of what my teacher wrote on my paper, so the whole experience seems not only moot, but also hurtful, saddening and boring. As soon as I walked out of the class room I felt a failure. I rehashed all of my doubts in my mind, "My life is a lie, I'm an idiot, the paper truly did suck and I know my teacher was being nice to me with this grade, I've failed everyone who's ever loved me, I'm never going to pass math and I eat in my bed at night watching informercials to try to deaden the pain." I don't know why a B- would set me off in this fashion, but it does. Somehow, after my brain does this, I feel pretty lousy, but now I can step back into reality. Reality:There seems to be a shortage of teachers in the country right now, so even though my grade point average hovers around a 3.0, I pretty much still have job security. Reality: I'll probably never teach high school kids this British junk I can't grasp anyway because it's WAY too deep for them. Reality: One of my goals in being a teacher is to buck the establishment and I don't plan on trifling much with grades: no more than I absolutely have to, anyway. Fact: I have not yet mastered the use of colons and semicolons; therefore I get to write horribly and pretend I don't care. As this entry continues to make less and less sense, I find myself dozing off. I'll come back stronger though, and that's a promise.

I just want to check in really quick. I watched a video on meditation last night. I didn't do the yoga or the meditation because I was at work, but I watched it, and that has to count for something. As I've mentioned before, I'm trying to reach my subconscious somehow. I've been reading up on self-hypnosis and meditation and I'm starting to think that maybe there's something to this. I've always been skeptical of such things, but then I heard from a girl who actually cured her fear of rats through hypnosis. If this is true, perhaps I could cure my fear of arachnids and my great love for food this way. I'm at least willing to give it a try. I read that meditation, if done correctly, can actually help you become more intelligent and use more of your brain. Who couldn't benefit from that? This is all just ramblingright now, but I will put my thoughts down in a more orderly fashion and report on my experiments as they progress. This should be fun!

This is a photo of me spacing out. I do this quite frequently, but that's ok. The mind needs a break once in a while. I must've been daydreaming happy things. Anyway, I was really only trying to post a picture. Maybe sometime I'll get used to this whole "technical" thing with blogging and the internet and stuff.

Mindless genius hurts my brain

As I sat in my theory class today, my teacher kept talking and talking and talking. Bless her heart, she gets a little carried away explaining theories and theorists and french philosophers. Her over-the-top enthusiasm for academia hurts my brain. After a while I stared into space and her voice sounded like Beaker, of the Muppets, yapping away at an accelerated speed. There comes a point when a teacher or speaker might as well really be saying, "Blah blah, blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah, etc." Strangely enough, it's sort of what she was talking about. The point where our brain goes to another demension may be a point where we can gain the most insight. It's a thought, anyway. Maybe if I practice enough I could actually use the other 90% of my brain. It's hard, but I'm gonna give it a go.

Isn't this fun (?)

So, this is my first blog and I must say, it's pretty exciting for me. I'm a soon-to-be 30 year old college student (yes, I'm finishing up a little later in life) who frequently muses about strange subjects and I need an outlet wherein I can unfurl my musings. The following are things I will probably most frequently write about:
1.Being fat (because one's whole life is experienced differently through the eyes of
the fat versus the non-fat).
2. Whatever strikes me as thought-provoking in my courses at school and leave me
in a mental funk. I get stuck in that thought process and cannot leave it
until I write something on the matter. P.S. I'm mostly in English classes.
3. Thoughts on romantic love and why it stinks putridly yet can lift the spirits when
you find yourself in it. This strange paradox never fails to elude me, much like
men themselves.
4. Spiritual matters.
5. Stuff that's funny.

I have no poignant thought to begin with, other than how important it is to look for subtleties in life. Try to notice things that no one else notices and then mull them over in your brain and ask yourself why. Why are things the way they are, how did they get to be that way and do I think anything should be different? If I do think it should be different how can I make it that way?
Then ask yourself if this exercise enhances your life in any way.