I was driving to work today and I was thinking about High School. It made me laugh and I think I was happy for about a tenth of a second. But as soon as I realized it it was gone. I've been suffering from horrible withdrawals lately; rendering me meloncholy and agitated. See, I decided to get off my"happy pills" because the side-effects were no longer worth it to me. The problem is that it comes with horrible withdrawal symptoms. Yucky, no good. My brain felt strange. "It is strange and I am strange in it." Plus, I have horrible nightsweats and for a while there hot flashes. I thought I was the youngest woman to go through menopause. Panic attacks came back. It was all so very disconcerting. I don't like drugs. The problem is that I think I may need them. I'm going to try herbal sups and exercising. Something out there has got to work. Maybe the anti-depressants aren't all they're cracked up to be. Maybe Tom Cruise was right.
Anyway, back to my point, I was saying I think I may have felt happy for a little slice of time. High school. It's funny, you know. I remember that when I was in high school, I hated it, and looked so forward to the day I would be free from high school. Now, I miss it. I miss the mischief and fancy-free fun of my youth. I don't seem to really have fun anymore. I look back at high school, and even though I know I hated it, I don't seem to dwell on the negative things. I only think about the fun times I had.
I wanna go back. Honestly, I don't much care for it here, in St. Louis. Sucks, really. But I have to get past this. I have to put the horrible withdrawals behind me and find a way to beat these blues. All I ever want to do is go back. Back to Utah, New Mexico, Mexico, wherever I've been that I enjoyed. There's got to be a way out of this feeling. Things aren't so bad. It's just my brain that's a little messed up. Anyway, I'll keep this updated. Laters.
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