Reminisce about the things you miss

I was driving to work today and I was thinking about High School. It made me laugh and I think I was happy for about a tenth of a second. But as soon as I realized it it was gone. I've been suffering from horrible withdrawals lately; rendering me meloncholy and agitated. See, I decided to get off my"happy pills" because the side-effects were no longer worth it to me. The problem is that it comes with horrible withdrawal symptoms. Yucky, no good. My brain felt strange. "It is strange and I am strange in it." Plus, I have horrible nightsweats and for a while there hot flashes. I thought I was the youngest woman to go through menopause. Panic attacks came back. It was all so very disconcerting. I don't like drugs. The problem is that I think I may need them. I'm going to try herbal sups and exercising. Something out there has got to work. Maybe the anti-depressants aren't all they're cracked up to be. Maybe Tom Cruise was right.


Anyway, back to my point, I was saying I think I may have felt happy for a little slice of time. High school. It's funny, you know. I remember that when I was in high school, I hated it, and looked so forward to the day I would be free from high school. Now, I miss it. I miss the mischief and fancy-free fun of my youth. I don't seem to really have fun anymore. I look back at high school, and even though I know I hated it, I don't seem to dwell on the negative things. I only think about the fun times I had.


I wanna go back. Honestly, I don't much care for it here, in St. Louis. Sucks, really. But I have to get past this. I have to put the horrible withdrawals behind me and find a way to beat these blues. All I ever want to do is go back. Back to Utah, New Mexico, Mexico, wherever I've been that I enjoyed. There's got to be a way out of this feeling. Things aren't so bad. It's just my brain that's a little messed up. Anyway, I'll keep this updated. Laters.

Why not give it a try?

I just wanted to check in. I have nothing to say at this point or time in my life. I'm wondering what I will eat for lunch today. Or should I save my appetite for dinner tonight? I'm cold here at work and I want to go shopping at Super Wal-Mart after I leave here. Not much to me, I guess. But I did read an awesome poem by Longfellow last night. I'm going to find it online so I can quote it correct.



"The day is done, and the darknessFalls from the wings of Night,As a feather is wafted downwardFrom an eagle in his flight.I see the lights of the villageGleam through the rain and the mist,And a feeling of sadness comes o'er meThat my soul cannot resist:A feeling of sadness and longing,That is not akin to pain,And resembles sorrow onlyAs the mist resembles the rain.Come, read to me some poem,Some simple and heartfelt lay,That shall soothe this restless feeling,And banish the thoughts of day.Not from the grand old masters,Not from the bards sublime,Whose distant footsteps echoThrough the corridors of Time.For, like strains of martial music,Their mighty thoughts suggestLife's endless toil and endeavor;And to-night I long for rest.Read from some humbler poet,Whose songs gushed from his heart,As showers from the clouds of summer,Or tears from the eyelids start;Who, through long days of labor,And nights devoid of ease,Still heard in his soul the musicOf wonderful melodies.Such songs have power to quietThe restless pulse of care,And come like the benedictionThat follows after prayer.Then read from the treasured volumeThe poem of thy choice,And lend to the rhyme of the poetThe beauty of thy voice.And the night shall be filled with musicAnd the cares, that infest the day,Shall fold their tents, like the Arabs,And as silently steal away."

This isn't good, I didn't mean to distort it when I copied and pasted it to my blog. It's form is everything and now it doesn't even look like a poem. Bummer. I'll fix this later.

N'ERR!

Okay,
Really quick, I just wanted to add that I've been so spacy lately that I'm actually making up words and not noticing at first. The other day I was driving home through the St. Louis traffic. I hadn't had the most organized of days, and I actually thought, "Today is not my most sheveled day." ......SHEVELED? Yeah, I'm as sheveled as I am gruntled at work. Then I start asking why not. Why not sheveled? Why must my life always be so disheveled? I'm going to start getting more shevel in my life. I'm going to stop hoarding and holding on so dearly to all my junk. Now, the only trick is to see if I can get my husband on board with me. Oh, and we're both going to read more books and critique them on my blog. I stole that idea from my sister's blog.

On another note: Things we hate our managers/bosses at work to say:

• Moving Forward
• This is critical
• This is top priority
• We just need to get all our ducks in a row
• We really need to really be working on getting that Customer Service right
• The cost of cheese went up 15 cents this week

My husband and I work for the same company. The VP and Director of Operations never stepped foot into college. I'm not sure they even made it to the end of High School. Im willing to bet they never done been to English class anyway. The whole company is kind of a joke, really. But it's kinda entertaining sometimes, for that very reason.

Another year has gone by

What an eventful year it has been for me. So many things, in such little time. I got to go back and visit Utah. I felt that it wasn't all I made it all out to be in my head, but it was good to see the fam. New things-I'm now on Facebook and I've pimped my myspace...finally. I'm just now scrapbooking our wedding. I thought maybe the reason for that was because subconsciously I wasn't ready to until now. Now I know for sure that our marriage is sticking, so I might as well document it. Plus, now I have all the scrapbooking supplies I need. :)
I cleaned up for Christmas, as far as scrapbooking supplies goes. It's been a fun season, and I enjoyed spending it with my hubby and his family. I still want to go back to Utah, or somewhere close to there, but I'm not thinking that will happen anytime soon. I'm really starting to get used to it here. It's not so bad afterall. My step-daughter and I are getting closer all the time. We have fun together. My husband's ex is no longer AS psycho as she once was. I've heard tale that she even wants to be friends with me now. How silly. Life is good. 2008 is going to be a great year, with many more fun, new and exciting things to come!

Well, it's been a while since I've blogged. I've since gotten married, relocated and work at a discount store. Life is certainly different than you plan it. I like being married, but I can never sleep. That is why I am up at 3:51 am blogging. I guess I could'nt ever sleep before I got married either, though. That's the breaks. I don't know what to write. Whatever shall I write?
Going from the single student life to suddenly finding oneself with a husband, step-daughter, and psycho ex-girlfriend harasser does provide many transitional adjustments. Should I get a restraining order against psycho woman? Should I be more open and loving to my step-daughter? Not that I'm bad to her at all; it's just still a little weird to hug her and tell her I love her. I guess I'm the weird one with that. Should I find a better job than the lame one I currently have and hope I can somehow finish college whilst working full time? How do I sleep? How do I get over being homesick? How does one adjust? But when I think of how loving my husband is, and how much he makes me laugh-I feel good inside. We may have our fair share of problems, but he is so cute.....I just love him so much (sob sob). I fear for the immediate future. I am depressed about it, really. But stuff works itself out over time. In time, I'm sure I'll find myself with a whole new set of problems to worry myself sick about. There, now I've blogged and I feel a little better. I shall blog more henceforth.

Finals

Sometimes I just really need to vent....so I figure, right here, right now, why not. I just got a paper I wrote on Frankenstein back from my Lit. teacher. B-. I can't decipher most of what my teacher wrote on my paper, so the whole experience seems not only moot, but also hurtful, saddening and boring. As soon as I walked out of the class room I felt a failure. I rehashed all of my doubts in my mind, "My life is a lie, I'm an idiot, the paper truly did suck and I know my teacher was being nice to me with this grade, I've failed everyone who's ever loved me, I'm never going to pass math and I eat in my bed at night watching informercials to try to deaden the pain." I don't know why a B- would set me off in this fashion, but it does. Somehow, after my brain does this, I feel pretty lousy, but now I can step back into reality. Reality:There seems to be a shortage of teachers in the country right now, so even though my grade point average hovers around a 3.0, I pretty much still have job security. Reality: I'll probably never teach high school kids this British junk I can't grasp anyway because it's WAY too deep for them. Reality: One of my goals in being a teacher is to buck the establishment and I don't plan on trifling much with grades: no more than I absolutely have to, anyway. Fact: I have not yet mastered the use of colons and semicolons; therefore I get to write horribly and pretend I don't care. As this entry continues to make less and less sense, I find myself dozing off. I'll come back stronger though, and that's a promise.